The Difference that Self-Confidence Brings

I want to start out by saying that it is okay for you to read this article. I know that you will get something out of it and that you are capable of reading it in its entirety. Of course, most people already know this. Clearly they don't need my permission. However, there are others who seem to always doubt that they have the capability – and the right – to face life's obstacles no matter how small and insignificant.

Having a recurring feeling of inadequacy or lack of confidence is not good for your health, happiness, or future self-actualization. In order to understand this, realize that a stressful situation occurs when a person's perceived capabilities appear to be exceeded by the perceived difficulty of a situation. Your capabilities are normally associated with your self-identity. Yes, based upon who you've been told or who you have decided that you are, you have developed a firm self-identity. When that measure fails to favorably compare to your challenges, there is a distinct feeling of inadequacy. This leads you to question your self-confidence.

One way around an inadequate level of self-confidence is to stop focusing on your identity and choose to emphasize your actions. I frequently ask my clients if they are happy. Note that this is a trick question. If they think that they are or are not happy, they have chosen to emphasis their identity. I call this their noun-ness, meaning they are looking at themselves as a noun. However, once I explain to them that choosing – which is a verb – to be happy is really what they want, their life begins to change. They probably chose to accept their noun-ness. When they start realizing that they should choose to "do happy" rather than "be happy," they re-discover the power that they have always had within them. You should begin looking at yourself not as a noun, but as a verb. It is what you do that defines your future, not who you think you are.