Insights on Achieving Rapport with Your Clients

By Dr. Alexander R. Lees, DCH, RCC

We just completed a workshop and a good time was had by all. One of the issues that people wanted to discuss, and get a better understanding of, was how they as the practitioner, can help the client to relax and be able to better articulate why they've come to see him/her.

From my experience of teaching for many years, this is a common issue for many... practitioners sometimes have trouble helping the client be resourceful. The client has difficulty describing the issue or problem, and also accessing any feelings or emotions regarding the issue.

You, as the practitioner, may now be faced with two issues... dealing with your own frustration and, not knowing how to proceed. The urge is very strong to start fixing things right away in order to help the person live a better life. One way to accomplish this is to take a deep breath, slow down, and focus on establishing rapport with your client first. There will be plenty of time to help them resolve some issue once you've established rapport.

Rapport can be established in a variety of ways. Some books on the subject advocate matching the other person's body language, facial expressions, voice tonality, rhythm and volume, and word patterns. Any of these can be combined or used alone, and once you decide to practice and integrate this ability, you will be surprised and perhaps delighted to discover how much more easily the conversation can flow. Here is a short list of examples, just to give you an idea.

# The person you are helping speaks in a rhythm, and the rhythm is in the form of groups of words. Let's say you have noticed they tend to group their words (groups of words are referred to as sentences, for those that may have forgotten!) by approximately five or six words.
# The practitioner would then begin to answer in the same manner, groups or sentences of five or six words.
# Another example might be the person's tone is quite flat, or monotone. The practitioner can adjust their own delivery to match this tone.
# Still another example might be the person tends to cross their legs at the ankles. The practitioner can cross their arms at the wrists, or cross their legs at the ankles.

Another important extension of the concept of rapport is a process called pacing and leading. Practicing the steps to rapport allows the practitioner to enter the client's model of the world (pacing) more easily, which in turn allows for a fuller understanding of the problem presented.

Once this step is achieved, (rapport) the practitioner would then test by offering a solution, and, if the client responds favorably, this is the signal of acceptance, meaning it is now time to use whatever technique you going to use to begin to resolve or offer relieve for the problem presented.

Pace and lead is also an excellent way to test for rapport itself. The practitioner can match some aspect of the client's body language, etc. (pace) and then subtly adjust personal physiology or voice speed, tone or volume, and then notice if the client also makes some adaptation or adjustment in their own physiology (leading). If the client does so, rapport is established. If the client does not, this is simply feedback for the practitioner to continue to establish rapport (pacing) and then test again by leading. Pace and lead can also take other forms. For instance, the practitioner has been listening to the client, and then might interject by stating the problem presented in a succinct form, and then add, "And I assume this is what you would like to change," or any other statement suggesting, "Let's work on that."

If at this point the client indicates acceptance, pace and lead have been successful. If the client answers, "Yes, but? " and continues to offer further information, the practitioner may then decide to pace (listen) further, and then test again in the same way: Namely offer a succinct statement referring to the problem, and another request to begin change work.

The above is but a small representation of some of those factors that influence the quality of the session, and hopefully will allow the curious student to realize it has a structure, and is therefore learnable.

This is but a brief outline of the concept of pacing and leading, in the context of using the technique in a therapeutic session, but the beauty of this technique is that it can be used in many different situations and professions, e.g., sales, consulting, teaching, legal, medical, etc. It can also be used in your daily communication with anyone! Wouldn't it be pleasant to have your communication understood with less effort, and for conversations to flow more easily! I think learning how to do so is well worth the effort, and pays rich dividends for those that make the effort.