How the Cycle of Desire Prevents True Happiness

by Robert Puff, PhD

What does peace of mind mean to you? Perhaps you feel that if you could land a high-power job; earn your college degree; find the perfect mate; get married and have children; retire with plenty of money in the bank; or...well, you fill in the blank. Then you could enjoy self-satisfaction and, ultimately, peace of mind.

But if it's true that external things could bring about peace of mind, then why are so many people who possess all or many of them still so unhappy? The truth is that everything you need to live a truly wonderful life filled with peace and joy is something you have can have access to right now.

It's true. But to achieve this kind of internal peace requires a few very easy changes. It's literally all in your mind. Let me explain. When we're born, our minds are like a blank slate. Infants make no judgments about anything. They don't evaluate what's good or bad, and they react only to what they need in the moment, like milk or a clean diaper. By about the age of two and a half, our minds become more aware of our surroundings. We begin to look at things and form likes and dislikes. We say to ourselves, "I want more of that." Or, when something is unpleasant, we think of it as bad and attempt to push it away.

The term I use for this kind of thought process is the "egoic mind," which is another way of saying that our thoughts are in control. It's egoic thinking that causes us to suffer. I don't mean the kind of suffering you experience when you burn your hand on a hot stove. What I'm talking about is mental suffering that's created by internal thoughts. It's the "if only I could have" kind of thinking that focuses on accumulating external things, like honors and accolades, or material possessions. It can also come from wanting internal things, like obtaining deep wisdom, self-confidence, or for some, reaching enlightenment.

Egoic thinking comes from trying to control or change things that are out of your hands, instead of accepting "what is." It's making mental commentaries about things that we think are good or bad. And it's about finding discontentment in our lives, no matter how well off we really are.

The Cycle of Desire
What is the Cycle of Desire? Let's say you're planning to buy a convertible sports car. You've imagined yourself punching the throttle to the floor and whizzing through traffic. You're sure that when you get your new car, your life will be complete. The day finally arrives when you buy it, and for a while, you're blissful. But very quickly that euphoric state of mind fades, and you begin to realize that the fancy car hasn't made you as happy as you thought it would.

External possessions may temporarily satisfy your desire. Note the word "temporarily." You see, once that sense of satisfaction is gone, you'll experience more suffering until you find something else to satisfy your next desire. Again and again, you will make purchases, struggle for yet another educational degree or better and better jobs. In the end, that thinking will never bring you contentment. Your struggle will just continue. Will you find contentment at last, or will you allow the cycle to continue? You have a choice.

But you might ask, what's wrong with wanting those things? Why does having these desires cause suffering?"

The Cycle of Desire is like a ping pong game. Desire, fear; desire, fear. Your mind goes back and forth. What will happen in the future? What if I lose everything? What if the company goes under? What if my stocks tank? What if my spouse leaves me? What if my child gets sick or, worse, dies? What will I do then? The answer, of course, is learning to live in and to appreciate the moment. The Cycle of Desire is difficult to break but millions work to accomplish it.

Living in the Moment
Those of you who follow one of the world's major religions share in the belief that God is the ultimate source of power. Therefore, God, or as some people prefer, the Universe, is in control of everything. If you truly want peace and happiness, accept that what is happening right now is God's will. Work towards your goals, alleviate pain and suffering in the world in as many ways as you can. But once you have done your part, leave the results to God -- or the Universe, or whatever you call the divine intelligence. All is well when you flow with what is. Of course, do your best at everything you do. Improve and grow, but according to all the great religious texts of the world, the final results are in God's hands.

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