by Richard Yates MS, LPC, NCC, NBCFCH

A number of factors contribute to the ways we connect and bond to relationship partners. Genes that are passed down from our parents can impact who we desire and how we attach to them. For example, the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) gene cluster can be unconsciously detected by a woman, particularly during ovulation. Through her heightened sense of smell she can tell if a man's immune system will complement her own to ensure healthy children (see Rachel Hertz, Ph.D, "Scent of Desire"). The thoughts, behaviors and emotions of our parents also weigh heavy in our romantic bonds. Michael Meaney, PhD at McGill University's Department of Neurology discovered that when he switched rat pups from a calm rat mother to a nervous rat mother, the pups expressed the genes of the mother they were with and also became anxious. Conditions in our childhood environments and the children we played with helped form our personal relationship behaviors. A child who is abandoned by her parents at age 3 may be more likely to fear abandonment by a relationship partner as an adult than a child from a perfect home environment. Biological factors can also influence how we function in relationships. Low IQ, brain injuries or abnormalities as well as disease often limit the ability to form a relationship bond. As in the case of autism, a person may not value a relationship partner above a computer. So, how we attach to relationship partners is affected by many factors.

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